Personal Column:He Changed Me Forever


Romeeka Siddiqui, staff writer

Looking at myself in the mirror, I didn’t recognize the person I had become. He completely changed me. My priorities, my grades and most importantly my personality were all altered thanks to him. I was a different person now than I was three months ago. I want to say I wish that I had never met that boy, but I know that I’d be lying to myself.

Romeeka Siddiqui, staff writer

It all began in September, barely a month after school started. We began talking and before I knew it my thoughts were infested with only him. The things he said to me and the way he looked at me still linger in my brain. He was the first person who had feelings for me that I actually liked back. He seemed almost perfect to me.  He was handsome, smart, had a job and was really nice to me. He made me feel beautiful and happy and the luckiest girl in the world because a guy like him wanted to take me out to dinner. But sadly, every story has a climax and it’s not always good.

His only flaw in my eyes was that my parents wouldn’t approve of him since his family was so different from ours. Everyone else however, warned me about other things. They claimed that he had a way of charming girls and that if I didn’t say yes to him soon, he’d move on to the next one. A lot of people warned me about his player- status, but I was too infatuated with him to listen. My stubbornness made me continue to talk to him whenever I saw him.

I think that in the back of my mind I knew it wouldn’t end well, but at the time it just felt right. Before I met him, I was the girl who made fun of high school couples. I didn’t see how teenagers could love each other because I was convinced they were too young to know what true love even is. Did I love him? I really doubt it. I never got to know him well enough to say I loved him. But I was definitely, completely and utterly enthralled with this guy.

So enthralled, that I was having dreams of him and it would kill me not to text him all the time. Although it was going well, he’d still ask me out often and that’s what frustrated me the most. I knew for a fact that my parents wouldn’t like him and wouldn’t like me dating him. We had absolutely zero chance of having a future together; that’s why I finally ended it all one day. I was honest with him and explained how it wouldn’t be fair for neither him nor I to sneak around everywhere together. He had every right to be with a girl he could take home and present to his parents.

I was so sure that he would immediately stop talking to me as soon as I rejected him, but he surprisingly didn’t. We continued to be friends but he definitely kept a distance. He eventually stopped walking me to class. It made me sad to think how everything changed so quickly, but I’m actually glad that I ended it all before I did something I’d regret later on. I respect my parents way too much to lie to them and I’d feel too guilty if I dated him behind their backs.

After that, every sad love song reminded me of him. My priorities changed entirely. Instead of focusing on schoolwork, I put all of my energy into feeling gloomy over him. My grades that six weeks were the worst they had ever been and I got my first B on the report card. I started to be distant at home and my siblings noticed. I never told them what happened but as the weeks went by, I started to get more and more over him.

He seemed to move on pretty quick too because I’d see him flirting with another girl in class. It made me sick to my stomach and I have a feeling he did it on purpose. He wanted to let me know that my rejection didn’t have an affect on him. Then a week later, he apparently went to a party and made out with a random girl. Everyone was talking about it and that was the exact moment I realized just how much trouble I saved myself from. If he hurt me so much when we never even officially went out, I can’t even imagine what he could’ve done if we did.

I don’t know what he is to me now. We still talk but obviously not like before.  He will always have a special place in my heart because he’s the only guy I have ever cried over. Every time I see him now I just try my best to convince myself that he’s nothing more than an acquaintance to me. I want to hate him so bad but I can’t. My memories with him are too good and it would kill me if I had to forget about him all together.

If I could sum up our relationship in one word, it would be ‘complicated.’ How he came to mean so much to me, I’ll never know. The thing that hurts the most is that I’m so sure that I don’t cross his mind as often as he crosses mine. He’ll never know how I truly felt about him and I’m okay with that. I think it’s best for him to be oblivious to the fact that I liked him so much back. He doesn’t have to know the impact he had on me and how he changed me forever.